


Storm

by caxsthetic



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Bitch Turn Around, F/M, Farmer Kita Shinsuke, First Love, Mutual Pining, Pining, Regret, The Author Regrets Everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:46:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26733070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caxsthetic/pseuds/caxsthetic
Summary: He should have chase whatever dream and things that he wanted, never think twice and grasp it with his own hand. Because it was better to die trying, than to keep living in the wonder of another possibility.Yet he pushed himself away, too coward to even let the storm in. To let you — slide into his life.
Relationships: Kita Shinsuke/Reader, Miya Osamu/Reader
Comments: 19
Kudos: 84
Collections: Haikyuu





	1. Let The Storm In

Every time he woke up in the morning; one thing that he did was thank the universe. For life always threw a lot of good things every second he breathed in. Morning greetings from his grandmother, counting all the stuff to brought for school, serene breakfast filled with lovely atmosphere—

Every single day, nothing was amiss, nothing goes out of plan.

Because he knew things that he should embrace, and things that he should evade.

Once he was seated inside his classroom, he would never take his eyes off of the teacher. One hundred percent of his attention would be solely on either the lecture or any kind of information that was out from the adult. But he didn’t know why he had to look outside the window today.

He saw you. _You,_ the girl who was late on your first day of school. Your body slipped through the school gate that was almost closed by the security, and you ignored all the shouting in unison, assuming that you were not late since you could still go inside without begging the teacher to let you in.

Your hair was a mess, teeth clamping on the bread that would fall at any moment. You were an absolute _mess,_ like a storm that barged through everything in your way. There was nothing about you that screamed good news.

First thing that passed his mind was the fact that he did not want to cross paths with you. The second he saw how chaotic you were, he took notes inside his heart to keep some distance, somehow knowing that once he knew you, his life would be filled with a whirlwind of events.

But then you looked up, eyes locked with him.

It was as if the time had stopped, either for you or for him. The petals from the cherry blossoms tree that fell out because of the wind made the ordinary circumstance feel so surreal. 

That was until a pebble slipped below your shoes.

In a split second, your whole body was thrown forward. And he was there inside his classroom, eyes widened to see such a powerful looking girl had her face flat with the ground.

“Kita?”

He couldn’t look away, feeling his breath hitched when you didn’t move an inch.

“Kita Shinsuke?”

He blinked, orbs focusing back to the classroom, his gaze greeted by everyone. Students and the teacher had their eyes on him, one of the members of Inarizaki VBC, someone that never made any odd behaviour on the record.

One of his eyebrows raised a little, wondering the reason behind the attention that he got right now—until he looked at himself.

He didn’t even realise as he stood up from his chair the second you kissed the ground. It was as if his mind only focused on what happened outside, his body moved without control as the only thing in his mind was you.

_You._

He didn’t answer the call from his teacher, making the entire class widen their eyes. Kita Shinsuke _never_ ignored a teacher before, it was as if he was possessed as he darted his eyes to the school ground where you once were.

And he could feel how his shoulders had slumped the moment he knew you were not there anymore. 

“Kita?”

“Yes, sensei?”

“Are you alright?”

He swallowed a huge lump, eyes flickered between the school ground and the teacher. Strange, how someone could make such an impact. He just saw you for maybe ten seconds, he didn’t even know your name.

Yet his mind was predominated by the thought of you, and this bizarre feeling made him frown, since it was the first time he ever felt like this.

“I am alright, sensei.”

“Then sit down.”

It was just the first few minutes he saw you, and yet, he was already in trouble. Not really a problem, but the teacher would think there was something wrong with him. If by just seeing you could make him act like this… Then he didn’t want to know you at all.

He wouldn’t let you in, that was what he promised himself to.

»»————- ♔ ————-««

“So, mind telling me what happened?” Lunchtime became his usual peaceful moment, the time when he enjoyed all the food that nature provided. But today, apparently his friend couldn't stop pestering him, “I heard from Omimi that you behaved _strangely_ this morning.”

He let out a small sigh, resting the chopsticks in front of him with the tips to the left. Ojiro was impatient, and he knew about it. His best friend was always so curious about what happened to him that was out of his _ordinary_ routine.

“It was nothing that should be remembered.” His voice sounded flat as he said it, hand gently dabbed his lips with a handkerchief.

“Really? You literally just _ignore_ a teacher, what’s gotten into you?” The wing spiker snickered, resulting in him to throw a deadpanned look. Instead of quiet down like how his kouhai did when they received such a gaze, his friend’s snicker turned into a boisterous laugh, “You know that look wouldn’t work for me.”

“I know,” He sighed once again, his mind coming back to you, _forcefully_. After this morning incident he didn’t think about you anymore (at least not all the time). But now as his friend reminded him of the incident, he couldn’t help but let his mind wander to you once again.

“Really, nothing happened right?”

The voice that sounded so mischievous before now lingered with worry. Afraid that something serious happened to him. He was starting to continue his lunch once again, but the question made him stop midair.

“Nothing hap-”

“Oh shush! Don’t make such a ruckus, you dumbass!”

The door to the cafeteria slammed open by the Miya twins, and the familiar voice made him groan internally. Sometimes he just wanted to have one day filled with peace, _just_ one day. Yet as long he breathed the same air as the twins, his life would always be filled with fuss.

“Can both of you just shut up?”

The entire cafeteria went silent when a stranger's voice rang behind the two handsome players. Atsumu gasped at the retort, his hand rested on his chest dramatically as he glared at you,

“Fucking excuse me?”

“Shut up, Atsumu. Fill your mouth with food, not profanities.”

The other twin snorted from the remark that you gave to the setter, feeling like he was in a winning side,

“You too, Osamu. You know he just _loves_ making you mad, why bother noticing him when you can just eat instead? He would stop, at least he would until lunch ended.”

“Oh my god. that’s genius.”

Everyone was flabbergasted from what unfolded in front of them. There was this one time someone complained over the commotion between the two, and they ended up being humiliated on the spot by the setter.

But somehow, not you. 

You were so loud as you laughed and dragged the twins on one of the tables (that always empty since people knew it was _reserved_ by the Miya twins, Suna, and Ginjima). Your mouth just wouldn't shut, there was always something rolling down from your lips, and Kita watched you with a _little_ annoyance that exasperated his mind.

What he didn’t realise was even if he felt like he would never want to know more about you, was the fact that he couldn’t look away from your figure.

Still, his friend noticed it anyway.

»»————- ♔ ————-««

“Manager?” Kita Shinsuke always came off like the manager of the team for the first two year he was in the team. He worked fine alone for all these time, so why now the coach suddenly accepted a manager?

“Yes. Manager.” The coach had his arms folded in front of his chest as he eyed the captain, “I feel like we need it. After all, Osamu was the one who recommended her. And I think the team needed some change of atmosphere.”

_Change_. Why bother a routine that flows greatly for the past years with another thing that could possibly ruin it?

“May I know who she is?”

“(L/n) (F/n), apparently she just moved from Tokyo. Osamu thinks highly of her, even though he didn’t really show it.” Kita could only nod at this, somehow he had a bad feeling, knowing that she was acquainted with the twins. 

“Something on your mind?”

The captain shook his head a little, “It was nothing, coach. So, when will she start to be our manager?”

“Ah, it would be today.”

As if on cue, the door to the gymnasium slammed open. Everyone immediately had their eyes focused on the figure who stood at the door. There you were, the trouble, the change, the mystery that he couldn’t pinpoint why you had to forcefully slip in his life—no matter how many times he prayed not to cross paths with you.

A cheeky grin plastered on your face; one that screamed confident. Atsumu chuckled at the vision of you, standing there with your left hand on your waist as if you owned the place.

Kita averted his gaze from you in an instant, didn’t want to catch your attention. At least not now (or basically forever if that could work), he would stall as long as he could. But it was as if luck left him in the dust when he could see you walk towards his direction from the corner of his vision.

“Hello, coach!” You greeted the older man with a wide smile on your face, _Doesn’t it hurt? To smile like that?_ His eyes scrutinized your entire figure as you had a conversation with the coach. There was something warm about you that somehow made everyone enjoy talking to you.

People drawn to you, like you were some kind of chocolate cookies made by a lovely grandmother, fresh from the oven. And by minutes it was empty already, since either adults or children were scrambled to taste the warm feelings.

But unlike everyone else, he took a step backward. He still didn’t want to interact with you as he kept _reminding_ himself that you radiated chaos at the same time, not just some innocent warmth, and he shouldn’t become too attached to such a thing in his life.

Yet you turned around to face him with a gentle smile that never shown before, replacing the cheeky grin.

And he swore that a storm never looked so enticing.

_No, like I would fall for that._ With his usual flat look on his face, he just nodded a little, at least giving you some respect. He expected you to maybe nod at him too, then turned around to face the coach once again. But no, your eyes glimmered, as if by just him acknowledging you made your heart burst with joy. _Strange_.

So if you didn’t want to leave, then maybe he was the one who should. Without waiting for another second to pass, he turned around to gather everyone, getting ready for practices today. 

What he didn’t know was how you immediately had a pained look on your complexion.

“Don’t mind him, he’s always like that.” You jolted a little when the warm, mature voice from your coach flowed in the air. Turning around, he gave you a reassuring smile, “It’s alright, you have done nothing wrong.”

You calmed down in seconds, eyes darted back to the captain of the team. Your neighbours, the twins, had told you everything about the _dreadful_ player. How he never smiled (at least not in front of them), rarely showed some kind of emotions, as if he was just a robot.

They warned you already to never take anything he said or did by heart, but you couldn’t help it, you were someone that contemplated everything. So to know that you would work together with someone like him, you had to prepare yourself for everything that may come.

And with a little fire inside your heart that flickered higher whenever you saw him, it didn't help with this circumstance you were in. Not at all.

»»————- ♔ ————-««

“I made some lemon water!” Just like a month ago, everyday, you came to the gymnasium with such force, slamming the door open with the usual grin that never withered. The entire team gulped down, knowing the fact how lemon water tasted; weird, 

They were all silent, some giving you thumbs up to at least appreciate what you did for the team. And Ojiro, as the kindest person he has ever been, thanked you verbally. While everyone cringed inside their head, you knew one thing that they would love, “And I made you all some onigiri for snacks after practice!”

“Onigiri?” Dashing towards you, the opposite hitter immediately carried the box that you brought. He raised one of his eyebrows when he realised the weight, “This is quite heavy. You brought this all by yourself?”

“From the parking lot to here, yes.” You put your hands on his shoulders, making a small train. “Come on, come on, please put it near the bench, Osamu!”

Everyone chuckled with how you could make everything become interesting. Usually, they would just gather around, practice, take a break, practice, clean the gymnasium and locker room, then go back home to have their long rest for the day.

But now with you here with them, they could see how everything changed. The entire team loves that. They adore how you could lift the spirit by just being there.

Well, everyone except _him_.

Kita felt so uneasy ever since you became the manager of Inarizaki VBC. It was tiresome for him as he waited for you to open the gymnasium door with whatever shenanigans you prepared for the day.

The second day, you came with speakers, the next day you came with coupons to eat outside, the other day you even brought a fox. Yes, a real fox.

_“I found him in the bushes when I walked here!” Your skin was covered with scrapes and bruises, making everyone run to you with a worried look on their faces, “I am fine, I am fine! But this little one needed some ointment, can I grab some from the aid kit?”_

_You were just a ball of sunshine, one that could make everyone feel so light with just you being there. The positivity that you radiated never once lessening, no matter how bad you looked physically, no matter how the scrapes and bruises could leave some scars on your skin._

_And sometimes, he would wonder to himself, what would happen if he let you in into his life?_

You eyed the reaction from the entire team, glad that at least they seemed enthusiastic already, even before the practice started. But no, not him, _never_ him. You bit your lips when you met his gaze, the gaze that always pierced right through your soul.

You were not blind, you could see how he never wanted to do anything with you. He always put some spaces between you and him, averting your gaze once in a while, it was as if he was disgusted by just the mere sight of you.

It was not like he hated your guts, no. He appreciated what you did for the team, he acknowledged everything that you did—in his own way.

Kita made sure to put some distance on you, because he still believed that if he pulled you just a little bit closer, his life would change. He didn't know at that time what changed you could possibly give for him.

But years living his life by playing safe, years to never let any types of calamity in, it was all good.

So he turned his back on you once again, focusing on the other things that needed to be done. For the past weeks, he was successful enough to not let you in.

»»————- ♔ ————-««

“Kita-san,” His pupil dilated for a second, recognising the voice that rang through the empty gymnasium, “May I talk to you for a second?” _No, please leave me alone._

“Yes?” But his voice betrayed him right now. He was just done cleaning up the locker room, ready to get home. You usually went home with everyone, with the company of the twins. For the past four months, at least you never missed the chance to walk with them.

So he was a little bit taken aback when you decided to stay. Purposely, with the intention just wanting to talk to him.

“Can we walk out first?” Your voice was timid, a total different when it compared to your usual tone. It was the voice that you only gave to him, the only intonation you used when he was around, “The security usually closes the gate around this time."

He knew that, he knew everything about this school. After all, he was already here way before you barged through the school gate that one particular day. But he just gave you a slight nod before telling you to wait outside while he checked up the gymnasium one last time.

One thing that he never wanted to go through was having a conversation with you, _alone_.

Yet here he was anyway, walked side by side with the one person he always tried to avoid. He didn’t know what you wanted by dragging him like this, he thought that you would start talking the second both of you were out of the school area. But no.

The walk was quiet, as the only thing that could be heard was the footsteps that belonged to you and him. Night breeze touched your hair mischievously, making it a hell mess with just minutes walking with him.

It had been ten minutes, and never once you parted your lips to say something. Did you get tired over managing the team? Or did the twins get you mad by their actions? Was that the reason you walked with him today instead of with them?

“You know, I never saw you as a scary person, Kita-san.”

He turned his head to face you, wondering where that judgment came from. There was a little smile on your face, the gentle smile that was always there when you talked to him. But there was something off about your smile today, and for the first time in forever, he felt lost, “Do you want to know why?”

He wasn’t supposed to be here, to be near you, to talk to you, to _let you in_. 

“Why?”

But he couldn’t help it, as curiosity started to eat him alive by the moment that passed.

“Goodness, I didn’t expect you to ask why.” You snorted a little, really unlady-like, “I didn’t know actually.” Your finger fiddled with the hem of your jacket, feeling like an idiot all of a sudden. Well, you were indeed an idiot compared to him—courtesy from Atsumu.

He waited as he knew that there must be something more that you wanted to tell him, “Maybe because I always look up on you.” You continued, “From Atsumu and Osamu, I know how you always care for everyone wellbeing, I know no matter how impassive you look from the outside, you are actually a huge softie who tries to make sure everyone is in their best state.”

This was the longest time you had ever talked to him. _Accurately_ , it was the longest time you talked to him without him turning his head and leaving you there on the spot.

He could feel blood rushing through his cheek, thinking that it must be from the cold that struck his skin. He tried to twist his mind, that whatever he felt right now—the warm, heavenly feeling—it wasn't caused by you. No, a storm wasn't supposed to feel like this.

You stopped walking when the two of you reached the intersection. You and him live a little bit far from each other, so if you wanted to say another thing for him, this was your last chance.

Your face lit up by the streetlight, with your hand bawled into a fist, gaze pierced into him, you tried to compose yourself.

“ _..._ ”

He widened his eyes when he heard the words that you said. Rolling from your lips as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Like you have been practising the same sentence over and over again in front of a mirror.

Then just like that, you bowed at him—around ten seconds, he counted it all. 

Your gentle smile never once left your face. You waved him goodbye and turned your back on him, leaving him there without giving him the chance to talk.

Was it the same feeling that you felt when he decided to just leave after he was done notifying you about the club’s information? _Helpless_ , like you wanted to burst but nothing came up as you knew the other person wouldn’t listen anyway.

With hearts being tampered, mind clouded with _fear,_ he just stood there as if he just lost the most important person in his life. Maybe, maybe he just did.

Shaking his head, he turned his back towards the opposite direction from where you went. Head hanging low as he realised he never prepared himself for something like this his whole life.

He walked mindlessly, strolling the sidewalk as he tried not to bump into anyone that occupied the way. His hand clutched the fabric in his chest, wanting to rip it apart. It was too much, a sickening feeling that he never felt before.

Kita was sure that he never let you get too close to him. You were just a storm that could make all of his routine changed, the unpredictable force that possibly made his life altered completely by just letting you slide into his life.

He should have said no. He should have said that he needed to go somewhere, anywhere that made you turn your head and leave him alone from the moment you asked him to talk.

Should he run? Should he turn his back and tell you all the words that have been stuck on his throat since the words came out from your lips? What did you want him to say after receiving such an earnest confession from you?

_“I always admired you, Kita-san.”_

Yet he kept moving forwards, never once sparing another glance to the back. His mind, body, and soul didn’t synchronize as his heart screamed for him to turn around, to just embrace whatever hail life would throw at him the second he let you in.

But then again, why would he chase a storm in the first place?

»»————- ♔ ————-««

“Don’t you think you are a little bit harsh to her?” The puff of air emerged in front of his lips every time he breathed out. “I don’t know what makes you think it was the best for you to rarely acknowledge her presence.”

The captain decided to answer his friend’s question with silence. Both hands tucked inside his pockets as his mind pondered, _Isn’t it obvious?_

Ojiro could only let out a long sigh when his friend decided to keep silent. He brought his mind back to the time he first saw you in the cafeteria with the twins. Everyone could see that you were a practical sun, someone that could catch up with the famous students even though you were new at that time.

And one thing, one thing that he never erased from his brain was how the captain looked at that moment. There was an awe in his usual expressionless facade, some kind of amusement, appeared the second your voice roared the entire room. But it died down in second, as if it was never there.

“She’s a storm,” Ojiro raised one of his eyebrows, giving his full attention to the man beside him. He was always confused, about almost anything that his friend said, “And I know how storms work, they come to wreck everything. Everything would change once you let someone like her in, either for better or for worse.”

“So you just feel that keeping her away from you was the best thing to do?”

“Yes,” He knew too well that what he said was full of nonsense by now, “Because by then I don’t have to think about what would happen if I let her in.”

“Aren’t you curious about the possibility that may come?”

“Why should I if I’ve already enjoyed my life all this time?” _But did he really?_

Kita gazed at the tall spiker who now had this mixed expression on his face. One moment his friend looked so happy, like he finally put the pieces together of the reason why he seemed to avoid you. But in a split second it changed to a forlorn look. There was a glint of sympathy as he looked at him.

He didn’t know why his friend looked at him like that. But one thing that he knew was how he didn’t like that gaze, not at all.

The walk home was filled with silence once again, no one spoke anything as both of them were just trying to enjoy the scenery of their neighbourhood. The river appeared still, yet it flowed under the thin layer of ice. Even though the air only filled with the coldness and the ground was frozen, it glitter with the gift of each ray.

“(Y/n), slow down!” The third-years were familiar with the voice, hurried footsteps could be heard from behind them.

“Don’t be a slowpoke, _Samu_ !” Kita turned around, finding you dragging the opposite hitter to god knows where. You never changed, just like _months_ ago when he first saw you on the school ground. Your face never showed any kind of sadness, at least, at least not when the grey haired twin was by your side.

The orange hue of rays adorned your whole figure as you ran, resulting in your smile to look even more magical. _You were just a storm_ , he reminded himself, _There was only chaos if he let you get closer._

Your face that was looking at Osamu, now turned to face the road ahead, making your eyes locked with his. And the orbs that were filled with joy and happiness, now just coated with pure surprise.

“Oh! Kita-san! Ojiro-san!” Even since months he gave you the same cold stare, even since months he acknowledged your words and opinion with a simple nod, even since the day after that one fateful night where he pushed you away further than ever.

The smile never wavered from your facade, and you always gave him the same warm look.

“It's a few days before nationals, I hope you guys have a good rest!”

“We will, we will,” Ojiro answered with a deep chuckle following after his words, “You looked happy. Happier than usual I mean. Something happened?”

He expected you to share some information about how this little cafe finally opened, or maybe you would shout and tell them you won the onsen coupon that could be used for the entire team, the information that he got from hearing what you said for the past few days.

It was not like Kita could erase everything about you. No matter how many times he tried to avoid any contact, he always remembered every little thing that came up from your lips. He had it imprinted on his mind, even the things that you blurt from the first few days of your time being their manager.

“Am I that easy to read? But, yeah! This little cafe near my house is finally open!” He felt pleased. Inside his heart, he was beaming due to his successful prediction about the words that you would say, “Though, it’s not the only thing that made me _this_ happy, I guess.”

Your voice trailed over, gazing softly to the man that had his hand _interlaced_ with yours, “This boy apparently had a crush on me for the longest time, and…” You let out a deep breath, as if finally let go of something that you had been holding on for the past months, “And he finally dared to ask me out.”

_You were just a storm._

_He already made sure not to let you get closer to him._

_But why did he still have this whirlwind inside his mind after all this time?_

His breath wavered once the statement rolled down from your tongue. You looked at him, with something lingering there in your shiny orbs, something that he didn’t know what it was all about. Or maybe, something that he never wanted to concede since that night.

Winter was always cold, but this moment as you stared at him with the same old look that you always gave to him, he felt like it was the worst winter that he ever had. Your gaze was still the warm and gentle look that everyone treasured.

But right now as you stood there in front of him, hand engulfed by someone else, he could only taste the cold.

“Oh?” His friend was shocked, and it really showed from how his face contorted. A worried glance thrown towards him before flickering back to the couple in front of them, “Whoa, congratulations!” But somehow, he knew that it was coming.

He couldn’t hear the boisterous laugh that aired right in front of him. His eyes locked on your face who kept stealing glances, like you were still _yearning_ for him. But at the same time, as if you said your farewell, and this would be the last time he received such adoration from you.

Why did he just see it now? From all the times you had been their manager, why now he just realised the look inside your eyes? You were a storm, and he never let you in because he was afraid of what you would bring to him.

But it was always there. The _thing_ that you wanted to bring in his life, it was always there, hiding behind your smile, back and forth shown in your eyes, sometimes overlapped by the kindness and fervor that you gave to everyone.

Yet the second you laid your eyes on him, it was just one emotion. _Love._ A pure adoration that you offer for him to take, but he never let you in.

_No matter how many times he wanted to._

In the next second you already waved your hand towards him and his friend, with the other rested gently in the warm grasp of the man who always had his eyes on you. Kita's facade never changed, as he still looked at you with the same straight expression, a contrast to the blister that he felt in his heart right now.

He ignored the pitiful gaze that was given by his friend, he ignored the frigid temperature that nature greeted him with, he ignored the droplets of tears that were cascading down his face at this very moment.

“Aran.” He called out, voice a little bit wavered as he tried to control his emotion. His friend only answered with a small hum, enlightening him that he was there, enlightening him that he listened, “I think it was too late. To keep the storm away,”

“What?”

He chuckled bitterly as his gaze never once left your figure. You looked so happy every time you were with the opposite hitter, a real contrast to every time he was with you.

Of course, what did he expect after all? Osamu always gave you the same warmth that you gave to everyone, Osamu always greeted you with a smile, acknowledging your presence, appreciating every little thing that you did.

Whereas him? He just gave you a cold response, muttering a little thank you and got back to his routine without sparing you another glance. 

He thought by doing that, he kept the storm away. He thought by making sure he never had a proper conversation with you, it would keep himself safe. He thought by pushing you away from his life as much as he could, you wouldn’t be here, right inside his heart.

But one thing that he forgot about a storm—

“She’s always there, Aran.”

Was the fact that it came forcefully, _without_ notice.


	2. When The Storm Passed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They said there will always a good thing that we could get after every storm—and he could only wish to see a rainbow when the hurricane stop.

_ Regret _ . A word that haunted him ever since one fateful night where he only looked forward  from . He still remembered that night as if it just happened yesterday. His mind replayed to the memories like a broken record, one that no one could fix.

_ Hello, how are you? How is life? _

It had been years since the last time he saw your face. But every little emotion that you once evoke, every single word that rolled down from your lips, everything about you still adheres to his mind. Even after the season changed, months after months, the storm still had the power to ravage his life.

If only he let you in, if only he turned his back and chased you like a madman, would the storm pass and turned into a rainbow instead? Would you be  _ here _ ? With him?

Sweat trickling down on his skin as the rays of sun hit him without mercy. But he was alright with it, bowing down to make sure each seedling  was  planted neatly. This was the time he could only find peace, taking care of the rice fields  as if they were his children . Maybe because he thought  they were indeed—his children.

Being here became the only way he could give out the love inside his heart. Through every good quality seed, every movement he made as he embedded the tiny beads into the soil, he gave the feelings that he should have poured towards another human being.

But he didn’t trust his feelings anymore, not when it stayed and yet, he couldn’t give it to her.

He couldn’t give it to  _ you _ , in consideration of how you never belonged to him.

_ Wasn’t it what he wanted from the start? To never let you in? Despite the realisation that you already struck his heart, maybe it was for the best. He did not know much about love except the one that he got from his grandmother. And to have someone as perfect as you to be his cavy for love would be an embarrassment to the universe. _

_ So he had to endure whatever pain that caused by the storm called  _ **_you_ ** _. _

_ “Where is Osamu?” The setter had his phone on his ear, a frown emerged from his face as the only thing that he could hear was some beeps. “I wanted to borrow some money for shirts, yet he was nowhere to be seen somehow.” _

_ Atsumu kept grumbling under his breath, muttering curse after curse as his brother didn’t once pick up the call. The entire team snickering from how pouty and childish the scary setter looked at the moment, stomping his foot and blowing some raspberry like a spoiled child. _

_ “I think he went somewhere with (Y/n),” The libero just finished tying up his shoes, “Knowing them, probably making out somewhere on whatever quiet place they could find.” _

_ The others chuckled at the remark—ah, to be in love _ **—** _ was something that not everyone had the chance to feel, especially while they were all still hormonal teenagers. Yet you and the opposite wing spiker always clicked in one way or another. _

_ While everyone laughed at this, teasing and gossiping about the couple, Ojiro couldn’t help but spare some glance towards the captain that decided to keep silent. Even after days had passed, the sight of him with tears cascading down his cheeks still persisted. _

_ It was the second time the wing spiker saw Kita Shinsuke cried. One time when he received the captain’s jersey; which lasted for around five minutes, and the second time when he realised that he was falling for their manager. While this one—lasted for even minutes after he dropped the captain off. _

_ “The bus is here.” Shivers ran down everyone’s  _ _ spines _ _ as he spit the words, like every syllable that came out from his lips became venom, “They parked on the front of gate B, all of you go there now.” The entire team nodded and grabbed their belongings, walking towards the exit in unison. _

_ But not him. He walked to the opposite direction instead, leaving the others raising their eyebrows in wonder. _

_ “Oi, Shinsuke, where are you going?” Akagi stopped in his tracks and turned his head. “Toilet or something?” _

_ “No,” Kita grabbed his phone, sending a text message to the grey haired underclassmen of his, “I am going to search for Osamu and (L/n).” This statement made Ojiro widened his eyes in a second, _

_ “Wait, I am going with—” _

_ “No need.” It only needed those two words to make the tall wing spiker’s move come to a halt, “Just tell me in case they were already on the bus. I think I know where they are, I wouldn’t be long.” _

_ As much as Ojiro wanted to accompany his friend, to be there as a support system, he knew that once the captain made a statement, that means he wouldn’t take no for an answer. So the only thing that he could do as a good friend, was following whatever the perfectionist friend of his told him to. _

_ Kita could feel the lingering gaze of worry that was being thrown towards him, one which remained until he turned the corner. He was not that weak—at least that what he said to himself. He had seen you and the wing spiker sharing a passionate kiss after practice, holding hands subconsciously to feel a flicker of warmth from each other. _

_ It hurt, at first. For the first few days he wanted to just run away. Run away from the storm that turned into a hurricane for every lingering gaze that you gave for the grey haired man instead of him. When he was still the receiver of such love, he blinded himself. Since the feelings were so foreign for him. _

_ But now his mind clouded with regret—as every single breath that he took didn’t feel like a blessing anymore. _

_ “Hey, it’s okay, Samu…” _

_ He stopped when he could hear the familiar gentle voice, soothing someone that he knew so well whom. Kita just needed to take this one last turn to see your face and brought the two to the bus. But as he fixated there, listening to the tender tone of your words, he felt like he was the one who was with you. _

_ And he didn’t want to waste this one chance of reverie. _

_ “It’s alright to cry. I would never judge you, you know that right?”  _ **_Yes._ ** _ “Cry in my shoulder, it’s okay, I don’t care if you ruin my jacket.”  _ **_Alright._ **

_ He could feel it deep inside every fiber of his being. How you caressed his hair as he rested his forehead on your shoulders, tears making a mess on your clothes as you whispered sweet nothing in his ear to calm him down. He could feel your touch, getting lost on the strands of his hair while the other hand pulled him close to feel your affection. _

_ No matter how real it felt, it all only twirled inside his mind. He was chasing a storm that already walked past him. But the aftermath was still visible, not lessening after days he realised you already torn his life. _

_ “Thank you, (Y/n),” He unconsciously clenched his hand into a fist when he was back to reality, slapped by the hoarse voice of his underclassmen, “I didn’t know how I would be if I didn’t have you here.”  _ **_You wouldn’t want to know that, Osamu._ **

_ “Oh, it was nothing. I am just doing my job as the best girlfriend that I could ever be.” You always sell yourself too short, “What important now is that you feel better, right?” _

_ “Of course,” He could hear how the two lips collided, it didn’t sound needy and fiery like how you always shared your kiss. This sounded gentle, like the first droplets of rain hitting the grass. “I love you,” _

_ It was silent for a few seconds before you pulled your boyfriend to another kiss. Now it sounded fiery, a hurried kiss as if you didn’t hear the three words that were given for you. As if you didn’t want to answer that, “I love you, I really do.” But those words wanted some answer, it didn’t want to leave you alone. _

_ “Samu, I-I love—” _

_ “The bus is here.” _

_ Osamu immediately pulled himself away from you. Tinted pinkish hue adorned your boyfriend’s cheeks when he saw his captain standing around five feet from the two of you with the expression that rarely changed, flustered to get caught in such a predicament with you, “I am sorry if I disturbed the moment.” _

_ “N-No, it’s alright, Kita-san.” You were the one who answered him, so quick as your eyes found him. There was a little bit of… gratitude that lingered on your mind.  _ **_What was it?_ ** _ His eyebrows raised a little before coming back to normal in second,  _ **_Why did you look so grateful by him interrupting the moment?_ **

_ He didn’t want to walk into any conclusion. Even though he was sure of the reason behind your meaningful gaze just now, he didn’t want to believe it.  _

_ Kita Shinsuke didn’t want to have any hope. _

“Kita-san?”

_ Because he knew whose heart would break if it was not him. _

“Y-You are Kita-san, right?”

He turned his head to the right, only to see you standing there in front of the fish vendor. Once his eyes locked with yours, a smile immediately shaped on your facade. The smile that you had looked so charming, didn’t lose the same warmth even after times went by. 

There was something delicate about how your face contorted. Gentler, matured, like you have lived such a rough yet beautiful life. And you survived, you survived whatever obstacles that universe hurled on your direction—shaping you into such a marvelous being.

“(Y/n)...” He didn’t call out or anything, your name just slipped from his lips without a brake, “(Y/n)...”

You giggled a little from how dumbfounded he looked right now. His lips parted a little, pupils dilated as if he didn’t believe that you were real. And he grimaced when he realised that he was making a fool of himself, “Where  are my manners—yes, I am Kita, (Y/n). Your upperclassmen  from  Inarizaki High.”

“Goodness,  _ always _ so formal.” A small chuckle rolled down from your lips, so angelic even if a snort slipped from his statement, “Of course I know who you are Kita-san. The captain of Inarizaki Volleyball Boys Club who loved  _ all _ of the members so much.”  _ Yes, including the manager. _

It was funny, how the storm that ripped his heart apart also became the source of his happiness. He didn’t realise it by now, but this little smile appeared on his face every time he heard your voice as if he was listening to some of his favourite music.

“Ah, and you are the (L/n) (F/n), the manager of Inarizaki Volleyball Boys Club who admired  _ all _ of the members so much.” He wanted to say it playfully. But somehow it turned into a sarcastic one, making him cringed a little, “Sorry, I—”

“Always the same, huh, Kita-san?” You walked closer to him with hands full of grocery bags, “Always the same ol’ Kita-san that  _ I  _ admire.”

That was not a fair move. To say the same verb you used the night that he wanted to redo. But then again you were saying that not with any ill intention. You just laughed with an innocent resonance, didn’t know what kind of impact that you had for his fragile heart.

“Yes, still the same old me indeed.”

He gave out a sigh, so soft to make sure you couldn’t catch it. You calmed down after seconds, the chuckle died down into the smile that you wore when he turned to look at you before, “Want to take a walk?”

Kita didn’t know what struck him right now. He thought if the universe gave him a chance to meet you once again, he would just say hi and gave his back on you like he used to. But what he did right now was the opposite of it.

Maybe he had matured? Maybe after all this time he was ready to have whatever consequences that he would get. He used to be a coward when a storm like you appeared in his life. But not now. Now he wanted to make things right, as he was more prepared than his past self.

You agreed, with a simple nod and the smile which never left your face, you followed him as he brought you to a stroll. It was so peaceful—to walk with you side by side. The petals of cherry blossoms blown by the wind as small talks filled his eardrums.

He used to hate it. To walk with you alone, to have some small talks that he thought could be used to do something productive instead. But as he listened, to your soft voice as you told him where you have been after all this time, he felt like you sung him a lullaby; he felt at peace.

His eyes searching for yours, taking one step ahead since he wanted to catch your gaze. You halted when he stood right in front of you, confusion was written on your face. An odd move for him, but then again you did exactly what he wanted; meeting his eyes.

Just like that, the two of you shared some whirlwind of emotion as he gazed deep into your shining orbs—trying to find some remnants of warmth that he used to find from you on his high school days.

In hope that maybe, it was still there even after all this time.

_ He looked down to his hand where the scroll of graduation certificate rested gently. Three years had passed since he enrolled in this school. The place that taught him a lot of things in life. Friendship, pride, family, sportsmanship—and love. Something that he never thought he would experience in such an early phase of life. _

_ Everyone was taking a picture with their friends, either from the same grade, or some of the underclassmen. He was just done talking to Atsumu, lecturing him a little and gave the setter some reassurance. Yes, Osamu wouldn’t be there on the court anymore after graduation. But the golden yellow haired man had one more year, one more year to make memories together. _

_ No matter how many times Atsumu said that memories weren't needed in his life, it was the only thing that he could cherish when someday he missed his brother to play with him on the same court. _

_ Kita smiled softly as his friends were being dragged by a lot of people. Some girls timidly asked Ojiro to take a picture with them, Akagi was given some chocolate, Omimi in a deep conversation with some teachers. _

_ And he just decided to stand there, sheltering under the trees that have aged for perhaps hundreds of years. His orbs observed the joyous atmosphere that spring gave. He was too focused on how the scenery unfolded in front of him, that he didn’t even hear some footsteps coming from his side. _

_ “That was a rare sight,” You popped out, unnoticed, uninvited, “That smile of yours Kita-san, it was such a rare sight.” _

_ He was taken aback by your words, but then he composed himself in a matter of seconds, smiling softly by now, “See? That smile! Can I take a picture? For scientific purposes!” _

_ “You know there was no such thing as a scientific purpose of taking a portrait of mine.” _

_ “A smiling portrait of yours,” You corrected. _

_ “Alright, a smiling portrait of mine. Still, there was nothing that you could get.” _

_ “I can get serotonin.” _

_ The statement that you blurted made his face adorned with some shades of red, didn’t expect you to say it so smoothly as if he was your boyfriend. While he was in a pause, you successfully got a picture of him, your lips immediately shaped into a grin. _

_ “Delete that.” _

_ “No!” You chuckled when he tried to grab the phone off from your hand, “I am going to print it and worship it. Bet if I gave it to Suna and Atsumu, they would pay lots of money.” He wanted to feel annoyed, he was supposed to get annoyed by your childish act. _

_ But what he felt right now was just the banter that made his heart flutter. The banter that he could feel every day if only he let you talk to him, the conversation that he could have for a year knowing you if only he didn’t turn his back on you. _

_ You, the storm that when he first saw you he didn’t want anything with. Yet right now as you laughed in front of him,  _ **_making fun_ ** _ of him, he wished that he wouldn’t be a coward and let you in completely. You were a beautiful calamity, one that he never met for eighteen years he had breathed the fresh air in this world. _

_ He used to be so afraid whenever you were near, always making sure that there was at least a three feet gap between your figure and his. He used to be afraid to talk to you, didn’t want to make himself fall even deeper to this bottomless pit called love that you offer. _

_ But with you looking so terrific with a sunny smile that was a total contrast to what you are—a storm—he was hitting himself mentally for even thinking that you were a storm that could stir his life. There was nothing from you that radiated chaos with how gentle you looked through his eyes. _

_ Both of you were lost in each other’s presence, didn’t recognize how some pairs of orbs scrutinized the magical occurrence between you and the captain. It was as if there were some kind of bubble that separated the two of you from the rest of the world. _

_ He didn’t think much as his hand rested on top of your head, ruffling it gently as a soft smile adorned his face. You were stunned, jolting a little since never in your mind you thought that Kita would even touch you, let alone ruffling your hair as if you just won some extraordinary award. But indeed felt like that. _

_ Your eyes met with his, the brown eyes gazed at yours, searching for the warmth look that you always had just for him.  _ **_It was there._ ** _ Flickering in between awe and wonder, you still had these feelings that you offered for him all those months ago. He was actually amazed by it, didn’t expect that someone would admire him still even after all of those cold gestures that he showed. _

_ In this moment, as your eyes locked with his captivating one, it felt just like the first time he saw you running through the schoolground. With your teeth clamped on a  _ _ piece of  _ _ bread, only for you to slip and eat the soil instead. Remembering all of those recollections, he realised that the storm called you was there inside him since that particular day. _

_ “I lo-” _

_ But before he could continue the words that have been stuck on his throat for months, his gaze met with a pair of dark grey orbs, filled with pain and fear.  _ **_Your boyfriend_ ** _ was there, shoulder slumped as he saw how his captain looked at you. It was the same with the look that he had every time his eyes laid on you—from what his brother said. _

_ Within instance, Kita pulled his hand away from your head. He could see the disappointment appearing from your eyes for a second. But at the same time it was like you realised that you were not his, it was as if you realised he never let you in and it was all too late for the two of you. _

**_You were just a storm_ ** _. He reminded himself as he almost hurt his underclassmen that he cared so much, just because he wanted you too. From the start he knew he was at fault here, but he needed to twist his mind for now. Hoping that the storm would go out from his life someday.  _

_ Or at least if the storm stayed, he didn’t want it now. Not when he knew so well the storm didn’t come just to him. _

He panted hard; today’s job felt so tiresome as he needed to make sure every rice packed neatly. With diligence and patience, he was satisfied that each ounce he produced could be spread all around Japan, tasted and enjoyed from any kind of place.

It has always become one of his dreams, to create something that was impactful to a lot of people. He imagined a scenario where a family gathered around, praying and thanked the deity from giving them such a wonderful life—grateful for everything that had been given to them.

A child, maybe one or two, listened in and followed every movement of their father as they circled around on the dining table. The time filled with love and appreciation, little family that he always wanted; one that he never had.

He thought that you would be a great wife, especially after a week ago where he crossed paths with you once again. With a gentle smile, groceries bag in hand, everyone who saw the two of them yesterday would think that they were some newlywed couple.

In the middle of work, this was the first time he was distracted and thought about anything else beside the rice fields and the numbers that may come.  _ See? A storm. _ He chuckled under his breath, remembering how much you had changed, yet a perfect kind of change.

If before he always grimaced and frowned when his mind went back to you without him wanting to, now he seems like he enjoyed it. Maybe he finally embraced it, the fact that no matter how many times he tried to run away from you, a storm will always catch up with him.

Especially you; the one kind that swirled on his heart, the one that slipped without permission. Who stayed, and never left him—leading him to the conclusion that some storm would be there for the longest time.

“Shin,” A gentle voice that belonged to his grandmother brought him back to reality, “You look happy there,” She chuckled a little, walking closer towards her grandson that she was always proud of.

“I am always happy at work, granny.” He emitted a smile that only showed when he put his walls down, “And well, you are here too, so it doubled up my happiness.”

“Ah, always so charismatic.” She shook her head in amusement and patted his back, “Are you going to send in the supply for Osamu-chan?” He almost snorted from the choice of nickname that his grandmother used for his old teammate, still not used to it even after years he had heard it.

“Yes, I will.” He gave her a soft smile and put his record book inside his bag, “I am going there now, he needs it to cheer up someone tomorrow.”

“Alright, stay safe and focus on the road, Shin.”

Kita nodded and went towards the car, starting the engine with a light heart. With one last glance and a little wave towards his grandmother, his car started to roll down the road. 

Hyogo was peaceful, especially around his neighbourhood. Acres of land that  were still untouched, with big trees adorned the side of the road. He always had his car window down as he soaked the serene atmosphere.

And now his mind was running wild, imagining you to be there beside him. What would you do if you were in the passenger seat? Would you turn on the radio and sing along to whatever tunes that were being aired? Or maybe you would just hum and enjoy the scenery with him.

Whatever it was that you would do, anything that reminded him of you made his heart burst with joy. So he would be okay, he would be okay for any of your antics, he would be ready now when he faced you once again.

He thought about sending you a message since a week ago when he got your new number, wanting to maybe ask you out on a date.  _ Date—does everyone still say that? _ He felt so old as he was not really good about this thing called love. But one thing that he knew, he felt like he never aged at all by keeping this storm in his life.

You used to love some peaceful cafe that looked aesthetic ally pleasing . With a wide variety of drinks so you would never get bored, ordering some different beverages until you found the right one. At least that was what he heard from Osamu before on the high school days.

His eyes fell to the familiar building, a traditional Japanese one which was full with wood and chocolate accent. Dark blue banner written with “ 宮” (read: Miya) could be seen even when he was still a little bit far from the place.

It felt like another home for him, obvious with how his lips shaped into a smile every time he was here. Proud. He was always proud with how everything turned out for all of his old teammates. It was such a hectic day that time when Osamu told his brother that he would no longer pursue his career in volleyball, resulting in them with faces full of band aid.

But looked at them now, all grown up chasing their own dreams with a smile on their faces.

Kita parked the car near the back door so it wouldn’t prevent any pedestrians from seeing such a cozy place to stop by. As if the owner of the shop had a six sense, someone popped out from the back door with a glint of joy glimmering inside his dark grey orbs.

“Kita-san!” The rice farmer turned his head only to meet his old teammate, “Come on, let me help you.” Both of them had the same soft smile since they knew that together, they felt like they were home. His old teammates were all considered as his family, the one who had been with him through ups and down.

“ Don’t  you have workers who should unload the stock?”

“Yeah, but I like unloading the stock with you. We didn’t hang much like we used to after all.”

Even if they live in the same prefecture, the same city to be exact, they had their own schedule that needed to be fulfilled. They were not teenagers anymore who had more free time, doing some routine and hobbies. They were adults now, with different burdens on each of their shoulders.

The rice farmer nodded at this and opened up the baggage, dozens of rice sacks filled their vision. All of them were arranged in a neat row, making sure that not even one of them bounced while in the road.

With cheeky grins on their faces, they looked at each other. Within seconds, both of them immediately had sacks of rice on their shoulders. They had this kind of ritual and inner bet. For those who could load the most sacks inside the shops would treat the winner some drink for the next four times they hang out.

“Gah, you win this time, Kita-san.” Osamu plopped himself on the pile of sacks while stretching his body, “I am drained mentally and physically after yesterday.”

“Oh? What happened yesterday?” The light grey haired man leaned his body on the wall, looking down on his old teammate who looked so beaten up. “Did something happen to you?” Now his eyes lingered with worry, he never liked the idea of his friend getting into something bad.

“Ah… It was nothing bad.” There was a tranquil smile that was visible on his underclassmen’s face, “I just did something that I have been planning for a long time, that’s all.”

“So how did it go?” Now the rice farmer was curious. It’s been maybe two months since the last time they had a casual conversation about life, “Just like the plan?”

“Even better, Kita-san, I—”

“Samu,  did  the rice arrive already?”

His breath hitch when a familiar figure suddenly appeared from the kitchen. Even with all of the hair being swept to the back, a simple black shirt that didn’t really compliment your figure due to maybe the wrong size, the cap that covered your head and hooded your eyes.

He wouldn’t mistake the only woman who ever had his heart since high school.

There was shock, written on both of your  faces , once again feeling like the two of you were in some kind of bubble without anyone else. It felt like a lifetime ago when he saw the glimmer of old feelings from your eyes; that somehow still visible when he met you last week.

But now as you stood there with the same attire as his underclassmen—that he knew so well had its eyes on you even before he realised his own feelings—something clicked on his mind like a turmoil before the big storm came.

“I actually wanted to surprise you, knowing how much you  _ used to _ admire Kita-san so much.” Osamu stood up and walked towards you, wrapping one of your arms around your waist as his lips touched the side of your head, “Kita-san is the main supplier for Onigiri Miya, you know?”

“R-Really?” You sounded surprised, widening your eyes a little bit more than before. Your gaze never once left him, and right now he didn’t know what to do with the fact he would never have the second chance, “Goodness, why didn't I know that?!”

Your fist hit your boyfriend’s chest playfully, but it was more forceful than it supposed to be. The black haired man only cackled at this as he saw how embarrassed you looked right now.

This was the same banter, the same laugh and smile that you and your boyfriend always had since high school. The same one that he once felt. Yes,  _ once.  _ A long time ago where you took a picture of him on his graduation day.  _ How is the photograph now? Do you still save it like what you said that day? _

“Okay, okay, I will grab one sack. And you, Miya Osamu, go have some chit chat with Kita-san. You whined a lot when I was away saying that you rarely had time catching up with him.” You pecked the black haired man on the cheek before slipping away to grab the rice sacks. Your feet brought you closer to the rice farmer, smiling softly as your gaze fell on his figure.

“Hey.”

“Hey, Kita-san.”

Your hand grabbed the handle of the sacks and straightened your posture as you stood right in front of him. At this rare time, he felt like you never became a storm. Even after every wrenched and disconsolate that you brought. You still looked so beautiful, and no way a calamity supposed to look like you. “I never said this, but, it’s good to see you.”

He chuckled a little, trying to calm himself down as his eyes fell towards the diamond ring that rested on your finger.  _ Oh, _ it suited you, simple and yet sophisticated,  _ So this  _ _ was _ _ the plan. _

And in the blink of an eye, he fixed his gaze on you once again. Swallowing down all of the immense pain that bubbling inside his heart.

“It’s good to see you too, (Y/n).”  _ Always. _

You smiled at him, bowing a little. Just like that time you said that you admired him. You turned his back on him, walking towards the opposite direction. Just like that time when you ignited the foreign feelings inside his heart.

His eyes never left your facade as you put your hand on the shoulder of yo ur  _ fiancé _ _.  _ He could hear it, as the black haired man leaned to your ear and whispered the three beautiful words. He remembered how you were hesitate before, he remembered how you were so grateful that he came right at the time.

But it was a long time ago,

“I love you too, Samu.”

There was no hesitation this time. The words rolling down from your lips that sounded so heavenly for his underclassmen. Yet for him, it felt like he was in the peak of the calamity, where everything wrecked until the roots.

He should have known that the admiration in your eyes from a week ago was platonic. He fell into an illusion of hope that his own mind created to save him from the heartbreak. The heartbreak that he was supposed to get when he looked at your glimmering orbs at that time.

Your love towards him was not like what he saw on his graduation day. He could still see the remnants of your love that you offer when you teased him about his smile. He could still feel the warmth of longing as you stood still when his hand rested on top of your head, ruffling the strands of your hair as if you were his lover.

But it was not there anymore and he shouldn’t have been so naive.

He thought that maybe, the storm that had been inside him for years could magically passed and produced a magnificent result.

Perhaps he would have his own rainbow, the beauty after the storm, just like what people said about what may come after the catastrophes. But as he stood here, at the back of the place that one day would be yours too with a forced smile on his face, he didn’t believe in such a miracle anymore.

Because the only thing that left when the storm passed for him—was just a wreckage of an unfulfilled heart that wouldn’t be intact evermore.


	3. Through The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even up until now, he still wondered of the possibility that might come if only he turned his back that night he walked home with you.

You didn’t dare to close your eyes, as what you saw was the light grey strands of hair, with black tips at the end that reminded you of a vintage pen that was dipped with ink. When darkness engulfed your vision, there was only a pair of brown eyes, staring deep into your soul.

If you turned your back and told him the truth, where would you stand right now? If only you stayed and waited for his response, would it be his name that you carry the last name to? Would you belong to  _ him _ , instead of your best friend?

You eyed your reflection on the mirror which covered the entire side of the wall. Swallowing a huge lump when your mind wandered once again to another possibility of life that you had abandoned. It made you sick, stomach churned with guilt and shame that was too excruciating for you to bear.

How delightful life would be if you were honest, if everyone could just spill what was exactly in their mind—or in this case, their heart. Your breath sounded laboured, like you have been running for a thousand miles without taking a break.

But yes, for the past years, you had been running. Running away from the reality about who it was that you actually loved. Every time you thought it was enough, he came back, stood right beside you as if you were just running around in place.

_ Love, _ who said that this feeling was the greatest invention that humankind had discovered? It was so unpredictable, uncontrolled, you couldn’t choose who you ended up falling in love  with .

The only thing that you could do was try to get the love that you wanted. To grasp someone that had your mind, body, and soul—or die trying. Because if not, it would haunt you for the rest of your life.

You gasped a little when the lady’s maid tightened the dress, making it a little bit hard for you to breathe. And it didn’t help you at all with how you already felt suffocated by your own feelings.

White. A shade of colour that meant purity and innocence, wrapping perfectly around your figure. But with the way you had been lying in front of everyone, nothing in you radiated good news. And you really wanted to just tear the perfect dress into pieces, wanting to show everyone that everything was just a facade.

Sometimes you felt like you were some kind of monster, some kind of  _ storm _ . The only thing that you could do was either wrecking the once serene life, or turned everything that you passed by into a dust.

But no one noticed that, except maybe him.

_ “Do you like someone?” You choked on the carton drink that you got from the vending machine, didn’t expect your classmate to blurt the question to you. After all, both of you were just hanging out on the rooftop, getting away from all the prying eyes and meddlesome squeals of his fangirls. _

_ He was frantic when you coughed like that, like you could die at any moment. His large hand immediately patted your back to calm you down, with dark grey orbs lingering with worry as he looked at the pained expression on your face. _

_ It was soothing, the warm touch of your best friend. His palm  _ _ was _ _ going up and down your back, so gentle as if he had the most fragile creature on his grasp. In his eyes, you were. Since the first time you knocked on the door of his house with a basket of food on your hand, he was sold. _

_ Through his silvery orbs, you were some kind of angel that the deity bestowed upon him. With a gentle smile that you threw for everyone, a witty remark that you jabbed on his brother—from the very first minute he knew you, he was sure that you were the one. _

_ “Osamu…” Your eyes peered on him, sending the poor boy a glare to get some apology or explanation after what he said. But he just raised one of his eyebrows  _ _ with _ _ confusion, “What’s with the sudden question, you doofus!” You punched his arms playfully, making him wince— _ _ over exaggerating  _ _ of course, not too different from his twin brother. _

_ “Jeez, you are abrasive as fuck.” He tried to sound hurt, pouting at you as he caressed his own arms to soothe the ‘pain’ that you caused. _

_ “And you are one dramatic bitch.” _

_ Bantering with Miya Osamu has probably become your daily life. When you were with him, everything felt like your life would be perfect. As if knowing that he would always be there with you boosts your confidence as you tried to be the best version of yourself. _

_ You didn’t answer his question and just laid your head on his shoulder. He didn’t mind at all, even if Atsumu teased him day by day about how the two of you looked like an old couple, he was actually okay with the mockery that he received. _

_ The breeze touched your exposed skin, making a shiver run down your spine. As much as you love the privacy that you got by escaping here, sometimes you just wanted the wind to dwindle down. _

_ But then again, times go by and every time the wind impaled your skin and made you shiver, someone would take off his blazer and place it on your torso. Even if you just showed the tiniest bit of frostbite, he would make sure that you were not going to feel any kind of cold in a matter of seconds. _

_ “Thank you, Osamu.” You smiled at him, fingers fiddling on the sleeve of his blazer.  _

_ “You are welcome.” He relaxed once again, letting you get closer to him like before. _

_ He noticed this habit of yours. How you always looked down and your digits played with any fabric that first touched your skin; meaning that you were thinking of something—or perhaps you were just nervous. _

_ The opposite hitter always gave you space. He never demanded anything from you as he just gave, and possibly waiting for you to give back. But never once he pestered you over something that you wouldn’t say or you wouldn’t do. _

_ He would wait, because he knew when you were ready, words would pour freely from your lips. _

_ “I confessed to someone yesterday.” But that was not the statement that he wanted to hear. _

_ Because yesterday, you were together with him at lunch, teasing each other like usual. Because yesterday, you didn’t go home with him and his twin after practice. Because yesterday, you excused yourself to talk with his captain to talk about the club. _

_ Because yesterday, he wasn’t the one you confessed your love to. _

_ And he still remembered how your eyes glimmered every time you subconsciously gazed towards the captain of the team. _

_ “Yeah?” But he was your best friend, “How did it go?” So he needed to be supportive towards you, even if it would destroy himself in the process. _

_ He expected you to sound all lovey dovey, maybe being excited for the practice today because you couldn’t wait to meet the one that you oh-so-love that much. He prepared himself to see you everyday with his captain, being a power couple. After all, who in their right mind would turn their back on you? _

_ But after seconds filled with silence, the only thing that came out from your lips was just a sob. Started with you biting your lips, heads hanging low with tears dropping to your lap, then you let out a soft  _ _ sob _ _. One that broke his heart because never once he thought he would see you like this. _

_ You were someone that never let anything get in the way of your happiness. Every problem that you got, you made sure with time you could face it. Every obstacle that came in your way, a smile always slipped on your face as you searched for a way out. _

_ So when you were here beside him, letting out a painful cry with hands clenching on your uniform, he wanted to just rip his heart apart because the sight was too much for him. Someone as beautiful, as lovely, as wonderful as you, shouldn’t burn with agony like this. _

**_God,_ ** _ He closed his eyes as he pulled you to his embrace, letting your tears to seep on his shirt,  _ **_Let Kita-san love her, please._ ** _ He didn’t want to see you like this, so in pain. If it took him heartbreak just to see you smile like usual, it would all be worth it,  _ **_I promise I would be okay by just being on the sideline._ **

_ His fingers slipped in between the strands of your hair, caressing it gently as he wanted to make sure that you know. He wanted you to know that no matter what happened he would always be there for you, even if he never said it out loud. _

_ “I am sorry,” His low voice sounded so sincere, “I didn’t mean to make you remember.” He subconsciously leaned towards the crown of your head, kissing it softly as he could feel himself trembling a little.  _

_ “It’s not your fault.” You pulled away, wiping the tears that kept cascading down your cheek, “I did something stupid anyway.” Snorting, you try to coat the pain you had, turning it into a joke instead, “Like, goodness. Confessing? Me, confessing? I should have known that it would ruin everything.” _

_ You were just a storm after all, nothing in your way could be great once it involved someone else. _

_ “What do you mean ruin everything?” _

_ “Oh come on, Osamu.” You rolled your eyes, chuckling bitterly from his question, “I can’t confess right, I ran away before he could say anything. What if he actually said yes? But me being a stupid ass decided to just turn my back on him. What if he-” _

_ “He would have chased you.” Your best friend answered your question as if he knew what was right inside the captain’s mind, “If he truly had a feeling for you, he would chase you.” It was not like he said it out of the blue, because that was the truth.  _

_ When you confessed to someone and they liked you back, they would do anything to let you know that the feelings were mutual. It was as simple as that, because if he was in the shoes of his captain, he would grab your hand and smash his lips onto yours. _

_ But he was not Kita, and Kita was not him. _

_ Some people could be a coward—sometimes without themselves even realizing it. _

“If he truly had a feeling for you, he would chase you.” You kept reminding yourself with the same statement that your best friend—now fianc é —said to you from all those years ago. Every time you start to think about the possibility of the unknown, you always chanted those words like a mantra.

Your voice resonating through the entire room, accompanying you once all the lady’s maid left you alone after they were done with your dress. Right now as you walked around to each corner of the room, you didn’t know anymore was it the dress that made you feel suffocated, or the jitters that struck your core.

Every now and then, your mind always brought you back to that fateful night. The night where everything changed between you and the light grey haired man that you adore so much. 

You always had hope, that one day when he looked at you, he would tell you the one thing that you wanted to hear the most. Every morning since that night, you woke up and you prayed to the universe,  _ begging _ for him to look at you and gave you a response. 

That was what you needed, an answer. An answer from the words that you blurt. But even after days went by, even after your best friend confessed the hidden feelings that were long buried, Kita Shinsuke never turned his face on you.

It was the sense of uncertainty that made you go crazy. Since high school years you never settle your feelings as your mind and heart always roamed upon him. Over and over like a disease that always came back even when you already drank a medicine.

You sat at the crook of the window, letting the sun from the outside hit your skin. Your fingers fix the folds on your dress, wanting to make sure that it wouldn’t look crumpled as you walked down the aisle.

_ Do you really want to, though? _ It hit you again,  _ Do you really want to walk down the aisle to him? _ The doubt, the different kind of love that you had for your fianc é.

At this point, you really wanted to cry. Never once in your life you thought you would be such a catastrophe to someone that not under any condition gave you something less. Miya Osamu always presented you with all the finer things in life, putting your happiness on top of him. And you? You could not even give him one thing that he asked from you.

_ Love.  _ One pure love only for him.

No matter how many times you wanted to forget about the first love of yours, no matter how many kisses that you had shared with anyone else, no matter how many times you intertwined your soul with your fiancé—you always came back, asking the universe about the undiscovered route of your life.

“ **Hello?** ” You covered your mouth when the beeping of the call turned into his voice, “ **(L/n), are you there?** ”  _ What the fuck are you doing? _

Your hands were trembling by now, eyes widened as your body moved by itself. One minute you fixed the folds on your dress, another and you had your phone on your hand, a call connected to the one person that your heart always yearned for, “ **(L/n)?** ”

“Kita-san…” You muttered his name, so slowly since you were still hesitant.

“ **Yes?** ” His voice sounded so gentle. Even with how low his voice was, you always felt like you were engulfed in a soft blanket, “ **Are you alright?** ”  _ What is that? Why did he ask you the question as if he threw it to himself. _

You licked your lips, debating to answer him with which scenario. It was easy for you to create a new scenario in your life, ask him where he was, maybe teasing him a little here and there. Having a casual conversation as if every time you talked to him it didn’t feel like you swallowed some thorns.

But you were done lying to yourself.

“No,” Your palm went up and down your arms, trying to gather some warm, “I am not alright, Kita-san.” The rays of sunshine that touched your skin couldn’t even save you from the coldness that you felt right now.

“ **Do you need something?** ” His voice lingered with worry right now, and somehow you could see how he scrunched up his eyebrows right now, “ **Should I call Osamu?** ”

“Don’t!” He was a little bit taken aback by your outburst, so he decided to keep silent, waiting for you to calm down, “Where are you, Kita-san? Are you alone?”

You knew that he must have wanted to just hang up the call, because he had feelings about where this conversation would lead to. Then again he was curious, wondering what was your intention by calling him out of the blue like this. Wondering what he could possibly get by continuing this call.

If it was him in the past, he would hang up immediately. Since he could taste the wreckage that might come since his name rolled down from your lips.

“ **I am in the restroom right now.** ” He wouldn’t have any second chance, he knew that, “ **And yes, I am alone.** ” He couldn’t help but keep hoping, no matter how many times it already crashed and burned in front of his eyes.

“Alright,” You breathed out the words and leaned your back on the window, “May I talk to you for a second?”  _ No, he knew where this was going, he wouldn’t let the same thing happen again. _

“ **Yes?** ” But just like all those years ago, his voice betrayed him once again, “ **You can talk to me.** ” So he decided to succumb on the storm, “ **Seconds, hours, days. You can talk to me as long as you want.** ” After all, he was a changed man, he was braver now.

You snickered a little from his words. He was a lot more talkative now compared to the high school days that you shared with him, and it made you smile. Because this was a conversation that you wanted to have with him for a long time.

“It wouldn’t be long though.” You sighed, wondering how he looked right now, “I just wanted to ask and said a couple of things.” He must have looked so majestic, maybe wearing a black suit, a contrast to your fiancé’s.

“ **Alright. What is the question?** ”

He was nervous, as he waited for you to utter any syllable that could make him feel at ease. While you on the other hand, you still hesitate, as you were afraid that this question would reopen some old wound.

“Why did you distance yourself even more after that night?” His breath hitched from the question, “And why did you act like… like you were disgusted by me, Kita-san?”

You could hear his soft breath through the phone which was being held once you were done blurting the questions.

“ **Because I am just a coward,** ” He muttered slowly, clenching his hand into a fist, “ **I was never disgusted by you, (L/n). I am the one who felt disgusted with myself from putting you in such predicament.** ”

“What do you mean by a coward?” You stood up, trying to calm yourself down by circling the room, “You were not. From all these years I had known you, you were everything but a coward.”

“ **I am a loser then.** ”  _ After all, he did lose you.  _ “ **I just wanted you to know that it was all on me.** ”  _ He should have turned around and faced you.  _ “ **So anything that you had in mind right now—no, you have done nothing wrong.** ”

He sat on the luxurious chair that was being put in the middle of the restroom, one hand tapping on his knee. It was just minutes before the ceremony began, and yet here he was; having a heart to heart conversation with someone that would have the same last name as his underclassmen that he cared so much for.

“Shinsuke, are you there?” He could hear a knock from the outside, the familiar voice of his best friend muffled a little, “Osamu was looking for you.”

“You go first, I am fixing my suit.” It made him frown, lying, “I will be there in five minutes.” But he needed to stall the moment, he had to listen to whatever you wanted to say to him.

It was scary what love could do to him, to the both of you. He didn’t know whether you were still there on the other side of the screen, or were you already gone but forgot to hang up the call. There was no voice that he could hear, not even how your breath fanned the microphone like before.

“ **(L/n), if you still have something that you wanted to say to me, you need to say it now.** ” He didn’t mean to do that, to force you like this, “ **Are you still there?** ” But if he didn’t hear anything from you now, he knew you would haunt him evermore, “ **I-** ”

“I love you.”

You breathed out the words, the one that you were supposed to blurt on that fateful night. It was the three words that could change everything, “I love you, Kita-san.” You repeated, again and again like a broken record.

The reflection on the mirror in front of him showed how ghostly he looked, face turned into a whiter shade of pale as he listened to you. It was not fair for him, to hear you confess such things while you were going to walk down the aisle to someone else that was not him.

Tears started to prickle at the corner of his eyes, debating about the words that he should say once you stopped reciting those words that he wanted to hear since years ago. Since that time when he saw how your hands were taken by another.

“ **Why are you telling me this now?** ” He swallowed a huge lump, he needed to remember that you were not his. You were just a storm, and a storm only came to wreck and then leave. It wouldn’t be forever—at least that was what he wanted to believe.

“I just needed to…” You dabbed the tears on the corner of your eyes with a tissue, softly so your makeup wouldn’t be ruined, “I needed to say it, Kita-san. I  was always in love with you, but—”

“ **I know,** ”

“You know.”

You let out a small chuckle, one that tasted so bitter as you tried to smile in between the wrenching pain that you felt right now. What was it actually that you try to achieve here—by confessing the love that would never bloom?

Kita Shinsuke was your storm, visioned as someone with a cold persona. The first time you saw him, your mind went blank as if it was taken away from you. Even when your face touched the ground, what flickered in your mind that momentous morning was him; wondering who that magnificent being with light silvery hair was.

Silent engulfed the call, as two souls that crave for another knew there was no future for them, “I am sorry, Kita-san. I—”

“ **Will you call me by my name?** ”

“What?”

“ **My first name.** ” It was an unexpected request, “ **Call me by my name.** ”  _ Please. _

He always wondered how his name would sound if it came from your lips. Those delicate lips that shaped into a gentle smile for almost every second passed, as if it was how the deity designed you by default.

“Shinsuke…”

He shouldn’t, he should not have asked. Because now it made him crave for more; more of you, more of your time.

“ **This may sound selfish. But one more time, please—** ”

“Shinsuke,” Your voice wavered a little as tears ruined the makeup on your face, “Shin.” But he didn’t expect you to call him that, “Shinsuke. Shin.” Sounded so beautiful, as if he was in nirvana and an angel whispered his name.

He wanted more, that was what he needed to hear from you since years ago. Regret started to corrupt his soul once again. If it took all the money in this world to get a time machine, he would achieve it.

If, back then, he turned to see you, chased you down the street and grabbed your hand; if he told you what you were doing to him, all the longing feelings, what he didn’t quite understand that time—he was sure that you would be his by now. 

But what in the past maybe should just stay in the past,

“ **Thank you.** ”

Someone knocked on the door of the dressing room, informing you that it was almost time. Ah, having a ‘pleasant’ conversation with someone surely made the time turn so fast.

In one way or another, telling him what was inside your heart for years made you feel lighter. Like finally, after unlocking the love that you clutch deep inside your heart, letting it go seems like the best decision in life.

“You are welcome,” You draw in the deep air around you, “I love you. Goodbye.” And for the first time in forever, you could breathe without a knife in your heart. 

“ **Goodbye,** ” He whispered softly, letting the tears cascading down his cheek one more time. He could see your smile on the other line—pleased even if you never got a proper answer for all of your confession. Then you hung up; leaving him there with words that better left unsaid, “ **_I love you._ ** ”

You clutched your phone in your hand, orbs never left the screen as his name still displayed on the tiny surface. Shaking your head, you decided to open up your gallery, scrolling through hundreds of pictures of you and your fiancé.

Then you stopped when you reached one particular photograph.

With one last smile, scrutinizing every little detail that the old picture portrayed, you muttered a little farewell—and erased the portrait that you always came back to before.

Because it’s time; to let go of the past.

_“Samu, why do you have this?”_ _You helped your fiancé to clean up some of his stuff from his childhood house. And in the middle of it, you found some old photographs from his high school days. Lots of them were just a group picture with the entire team, some were memories of you and him that you two shared, but one random picture popped out._

_ That one picture you thought you wouldn’t see anymore.  _

_ “Oh, that’s Kita-san,” The black haired man popped behind you. His answer made you roll your eyes. _

_ “I know who the heck that is, Samu.” You really wanted to just flick his forehead at the moment, somehow wondering how could you end up with someone as oblivious as him, “I am the one who captured it after all.” _

_ “Oh, sorry,” He snickered when he saw how annoyed you looked, “I think it was from when you gave it to ‘Tsumu and Suna, guess it slipped in my box.” _

_ You nodded at this and gazed back to the photograph in your hand. His smile was soft, the smile that you wished you saw a lot when he was still the captain of Inarizaki Volleyball Boys Club. Your finger traced the printed picture softly, as if you really touched his skin, “Take your time.” _

_ Getting lost in some old memoir, you didn’t realise as Osamu never once left your side. His dark grey orbs scanned your face, and he could see how you were still longing for the light grey haired man. The pain inside your eyes, the yearning, even if it overlapped with your feelings towards himself—the love that you had for his old captain, was still there. _

_ “What do you mean?” _

_ “I can wait forever, take your time.” _

_Your fiancé_ _leaned his body close to you, resting his velvety lips on your forehead. He knew too well how much it torture you too, to had one chapter in your life that was still unfinished. To know that it was still incomplete, and yet you continued to live._

_ And just like what he promised himself to, he would always be there for you. Even if he was just on the sideline, then by all means he would wait for you to bring him to your main path of life. Maybe someday, it would be just him that you needed. _

Classics, pieces of music notes were gently intertwined to become such a masterpiece. The pianist started to move their bewitched fingers once the bride stood on the starting runway, ready to walk to an astonishing future that may come.

You looked so beautiful in his eyes, just like any other time in his life he had seen you. The same messy hair that flowed by the wind all those years ago, was now brushed gently as the sleek white veil rested on the crown of your head, down to cover all the strands in your hair.

Every time you move your feet, it feels like it brought you closer to a lighter life that you had been wanting to have. Your gaze was  full of wonder, belief, and a little bit of nervousness. He couldn’t blame you, since there was no practice wedding, it was not something that humans could prepare for.

If it was him, maybe he would ask if you wanted a  traditional Japanese Wedding, that would feel so perfect. But then again as he saw you walking down the aisle, he didn’t care what kind of wedding, who were all the guests, or where the two of you shared the vow—as long as it was you, then he could call it perfect.

He sat beside his grandmother who always had a smile on her face. It pained him, as he remembered how she said she looked forward to his wedding already; worse because she had been wanting it since he was still a high schooler.

But then again, he didn’t know if he wanted to have a wedding anymore. For whom the only person who he wanted to have their hand on marriage with was now standing in front of him, with his underclassmen that he cared so much for.

He couldn’t hear any of the words that spilled from the marriage officiant as it sounded like a murmur. When happiness was supposed to fill the entire space, he felt like all of his senses were being taken away from him. 

But when your lips parted to shared the vow that you had prepared, when your ring finger now adorned with the delicate platinum band, he could feel his heart beats a thousand times faster,

“Should anyone present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or  _ forever _ hold your peace.”

His lips were dry by now, sweats trickling down his back even though the temperature was low. He wanted to stand up, to speak, to let out the words that were left unsaid before.

But then a gentle, wrinkled palm rested on top of his hand, and the gesture was enough to make him calm down in an instance.

He looked down towards his grandmother. A reassurance smile emerged on her face, as if after all this time, she knew what exactly battling inside his soul.  _ It would be alright, Shin.  _ Her soft voice could be heard, even if she never actually parted her lips.

It would be alright. Maybe someday, it would be alright for him.

After hours his lips only shaped into a thin line, now he could finally have the power to change it into a smile. With a little nod that he gave towards the figure who knew him like the back of her hand, he looked back towards you.

Your gaze met his, for a split second he knew you were saying one last farewell. And unlike that one time he first saw you with your perfect man, it was now  _ real _ . Today, this second, it would be the last time you gave him a gaze filled with love. 

_ “Maybe in another life.” “ _ **_Another lifetime._ ** _ ” _

And in this exact moment as you shared a kiss with the man that always had his eyes on you, the one man that somehow he knew would be the person you spend forever with. He promised that in another lifetime, when the two of you crosspath once again—

He would turned back towards your direction and chase  _ you _ ,

The storm that he wished he never ran away from. _   
_


End file.
